It’s a fact. Humans are fucked. It’s not a question of if, it’s more, when and how! Whether it’s environmental destruction, nuclear holocaust, alien invasion, or, my personal favourite, God’s wrath, the end is near.

Ecological Disaster
Don’t say we haven’t been warned. It all comes down to Global Warming. Environmentalists have been warning us for decades of the devastating repercussions we face if humanity does not clean up its fucking act and go GREEN. Try digesting that while slurping on your latte, you bitches. It’s shoved down our throats (yum) for the past few decades and still nobody gives a shit.   We all know the dish, right? For those of you who have selectively forgotten: Global Warming is the increase in the average temperature of the Earth’s near-surface air and oceans. Translation, the earth is burning into a crispy critter. What wonderful things are coming of this: Glaciers are melting, oceans rising, forests declining. But don’t worry, we always have the moon to colonize.

Nuclear Holocaust
Here is another fun way to go -and efficient, too.
With one push of a button, the whole world could be blown into smithereens. With the onset of nuclear destruction, humankind could be eradicated, and all or most of the Earth could be burnt and destroyed. If we’re lucky, we may even get three headed babies and 10 legged cats before Earth finally decided to melt into radiated mush. Fashion designs will have to change so shirts fit three headed babies and two headed Mamas. When in Rome…

Alien Invasion
An Alien Invasion would be the coolest way to get wiped out. Can you image the headlines on CNN “Green Blobs Take Over the World?” As we speak, the Aliens are sitting back and watching Earth, patiently, biding their time. They’re watching the biggest reality T.V. show in the galaxy. It’s only logical that our green brothers and sisters would finally get fed up with us. Some people (also known as freaks) have claimed that they have already been approached by our green siblings. Apparently they are looking to inbreed with humans that have below average IQs, to create human/alien babies that verge on retarded to form… a perfect race for earth?!?!

God’s Wrath
Last but certainly not least, most of us will be eradicated by the wrath of God. We are all so fucked on this one. Sodomites. Whores. Those who have had multiple abortions and multiple orgasms. Who have stolen. Said the lord’s name in vain. And hedonists alike… You are all so fucking fucked. I hope you like heat and don’t forget your sunblock. Hell is well… hell.